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Rape & Sexual Consent

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter. Rape is one of the most dreadful and formidable crimes in the world today. Our society has only placed its priority on educating the girl child on how to dress modestly and defend themselves, but not teaching the male child not to be a rapist. The society has failed us all. It’s time to re-educate the male child.

Recently, due to the rape cases that have been spilling around on social media and trending hashtags regarding these rape cases, people have begun to voice out and are beginning to protest that enough is enough. 

Twitter

These cases are very disheartening. Imagine entering into a church to rape a young girl and killing her in cold blood with a fire extinguisher. Another 12 years old girl was raped by 11 men in Northern Nigeria, these men are absolute Pedophiles. Our neighbourhoods, homes, schools and workplaces are not safe anymore, now it is religious buildings.

We live in a world where rape is the only crime the victim is accused. The fact that a lady wears a short dress doesn’t mean it is her fault for being raped. Indecent dressing, location and time are not the causes of being raped, it is the mindset of the rapist.

Rape has never been about the result of indecent dressing, rape is about lack of self-control. If you feel it is a result of indecent dressing, why do we still hear stories about prostitutes being raped? Rapists do feel like it is a sense of entitlement and ownership. Real men don’t rape.

Men who are rapists are now monsters that women need protection from. It may be 5 mins for you, but it’s a lifetime for her. It has been reported severally that a majority of rapists are people the victims know. It could be a neighbour, friend, colleague or even a family member. Rape never happens by mistake, it is a planned action. No woman owes you her body. I feel rape and murder should have the same penalties in the law.

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You are also a rapist if you:

  • Can’t speak up against rape
  • Cover-up for a rapist
  • Defend a rapist
  • Cook up stories for a rapist
  • Fight for a rapist
  • Have an excuse for a rapist
  • Treat a rapist well

If you feel threatened by any man who wants to sexually assault you, here are some techniques you could learn to defend yourself:

© Brightside
© Brightside
© Brightside
© Brightside

I’m not gonna lie, the fight against rape is going to be a very long walk to freedom because we also have people in government that sexual offenders too. A Senator in the Nigerian government was caught on a CCTV camera assaulting a lady in a sex toy store. Just imagine the kinds of acts you’ll find in his private space.

Under the Criminal Code of Nigeria (Section 357 & 358), Rape is known as “having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of the false act, or, in case of a married woman, be personating her husband.” This offence is punishable by imprisonment for life. So if you are a victim of rape, voice out today! Your stories want to be heard, you deserve justice!

The male gender are also victims of rape, but talking about men being raped at this moment and in this context is just like bringing owls to Athens.

Sexual Consent

In a nutshell, Sexual Consent is an agreement between participants to partake in sexual activity. Period. Sexual activity is not just about penetrative sex. It could vary from touching, groping, kissing, oral sex and masturbation. When engaging in sexual activity, it should always be about communication and it should always happen sequentially. For instance, agreeing to kiss someone does not authorize the person to remove your clothes.

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If you don’t still understand, here’s an analogy, let’s compare Sexual Consent to a cup of tea. Someone comes to visit you and you and ask if the person wants a cup of tea and the person says “Sure! I want a cup of tea, thank you” then you know the person wants a cup of tea. If you ask the same question and the person says “Uhm, I’m not really sure” then you know the person can either drink it or not and you don’t have to force the person to drink the tea. If the person says “No“, then you don’t have to make the tea at all.

The person might say yes, but when the tea arrived, they already lost interest. Still, you are under no obligation to make the person drink the tea. You might make the tea and then find out the person is already unconscious or fell asleep after you made the tea, Unconscious people don’t want tea.

Unconscious People Don’t Want Tea

If the person says yes and then later passed out while taking the tea, don’t keep on pouring it down the throat. Take the tea away and make sure the person is safe while the person is fast asleep. Unconscious people don’t want tea.

If someone said yes to tea last weekend, it doesn’t mean the person wants tea again. You need to understand that people change. Note that people that are incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent and silence is not consent. Sexual Consent is as simple as tea.

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When it comes to Sexual Consent always remember you’re in control. You can change your mind anytime and you can withdraw yourself at any point you feel uncomfortable.

Communication is very important in Sexual Consent, always ask questions before you do anything. Phrases like:

  • Is it okay?
  • Can I touch your(…)?
  • Can I kiss you here?
  • Do you want me to stop?
  • Can I go further?

These words should be communicated from time to time during sexual activity. Also note that if you keep asking the same question continuously, then it is turning into coercion.

If you don’t know if you got consent, you didn’t.

Forced Consent is not Consent, even in marriage.

If she’s too young, yes is not consent.

Consent can be withdrawn anytime, Sex without consent is rape!

Consent is simple as tea. If it’s not yes, it’s NO!

Real Men Don’t Rape

© Reuters

NO means NO!

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Tomilola Shitta

Tomilola Shitta is a creative writer that loves to portray his life's experiences in every piece. He's also a techpreneur, speaker, and life coach. Tomilola is very passionate about personal development and he's committed to helping young people achieve their dreams.

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