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2020 Fucked Me

Summary:

I’m just gonna talk about how 2020 fucked me.

I didn’t write this to tell you the story of my life, or maybe somehow I’m telling you the story of my life, whichever way, bear in mind that there’s no moral lesson in this post. I’m just gonna talk about my life this year.

I’m just gonna talk about how 2020 fucked me. 

2020 grabbed me by my neck, choked me, turned me around and slipped its rod of punishment into me and fucked me—Ironically. I’ll also talk about the fact that 2020 fucked my mental health too. 

Look at me, screaming “E Choke” everywhere, and of course, 2020 really choked the hell out of me. David Adeleke has a mad influence on me, I’m not gonna lie.

My 2020

The year started quite well. I had a couple of unrealistic resolutions. Everyone has that new year resolution which they never work on. I told myself that I would quit some bad habits—and look at me, today is 29th of December, I am still an addict of my bad habits. However, I don’t feel sorry for myself. It was quite Unrealistic for me to just quit at once.

I had my matriculation in January, an experience never to be forgotten, I made good memories that day. Anticipated my exams which came in February. January was mainly for the preparation, 

Exams went quite well, It was my first varsity exam. I think I did well in the exam, but I wasn’t bothered about it anyway. I’m the kind of person that is not always after high grades in exams, I just want to pass.

In academics, I read to pass, I don’t read to know. After the exams, I felt like I just dropped a huge burden even if I wasn’t really bothered during the exam period.

Fast-forward to March. The second semester began, the first 3 weeks were great. Lo and behold, Covid came and I had to leave school for home. During that period, ASUU started a 2 weeks warning strike. I thought the strike won’t last for long, not knowing it was going to be one hell of a run-down through the year.

Where My Life Began To Fall Apart

In April, I already got tired of staying at home. I thought we were going to resume anytime during that period which made me start reading my books—I mean academics. 3 days later, I gave up. I don’t really like reading academics. 

It was me and my phone alone, even if my family were around. I don’t like engaging in too many conversations with people, this made me develop a habit of not talking much. 

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Depression began to set in. Imagine waking up in the morning and all you do is press phone, think about your life, eat a lot of food and junks, and sleep like a log of wood for countless weeksss 😞. This made me harbor stupid and insane thoughts in my head.

I was depressed, I didn’t tell anyone what I was going through. On my social media, I was still the jovial guy that loves to post memes and talk about all kinds of trending stuff. I knew I couldn’t talk to anybody about it, maybe because I never had anyone I could share stuff with.

In my head, I’m always like “You’re a man, you cannot be caught weak”. Not knowing it was going to eat me up. I kept creating stupid thoughts in my head, I didn’t really think straight. 

Mental Health—I Was Lonely

My sanity was going down the drain in May already. It was my birthday month, Depression made me not to remind anyone in my family about my birthday, It’s weird they didn’t even remember until a few days later when my kid bro told everyone that they had skipped my birthday. Only friends online knew my birthday was coming, and I also made some posts in anticipation of my birthday.

Literally, my birthday was only online. I didn’t want to celebrate it either, that’s why I kept it online. No one would leave their house in the middle of a pandemic just to celebrate my birthday with me. Perfectly planned, If you ask me.

I was fucked up. I totally lost my sanity. I’d spend all my money on mobile data and use it to stream movies. I’d be on Instagram and Twitter, simultaneously, 3-4 hours straight trying to find a safe space or to probably kill my depression. It was pathetic.

I spent so many hours on YouTube too. I think YouTube was really therapeutic for me, It helped me reduce depression. All I do is watch car-stunt and technology inclined videos. I guess it was good for me.

Books Books Books!

I got tired of watching movies, so I flipped the switch!

I traded most of my time of thinking and watching movies for reading books. I don’t mean academic books, I told you I don’t like academic books. I read books mainly about entrepreneurship and business—I love money.

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CashApp wa o! 🤤

Reading books related to psychology and motivation played a part in helping me overcome depression. I mean, It just helped me reduce the depression. I still usually think about my life when I’m tired of reading.

I read a lot of books and I think that was one of the best things I did this year. Those books made me see who I really was. I felt like I lost a real sense of myself when I was in school, I was only concentrating on school alone. I wasn’t really concentrating on my life. I lost focus and I was distracted, I’m I glad I regained it. I think those books got me right back on track.

When I said 2020 fucked me, I didn’t necessarily mean It was a bad fuck. A person could have a good fuck or a bad fuck. But I guess mine was a mixture of the both. It’s just that the bad fuck was more intense than the good fuck. I felt like the bad fuck was more like assault and the good fuck—I had more control.

Tomilola, 2020.

It feels odd using the F-word, isn’t it? Sorry, that’s my favourite word. I use it to express my emotions.

I Didn’t Get My first Freelance Job

In May, a friend referred me to someone in need of a content writer. The pay was okay. I was the man for the job. I had the interview via chat and I aced it. But… Something was missing. I didn’t have a portfolio—I didn’t have an archive to show my previous work. The interviewer didn’t believe I was good enough to handle the job since I didn’t have a portfolio. Guess what? I even wrote a premium article to impress him about what I could, He ended up turning me down.

I was pained, couldn’t cry. I was just getting into the business world, I knew nothing about disappointments. I never really took professional writing serious at that moment.

But I needed money badly. I knew I had to take professional writing seriously.

I Started Writing On Medium

Medium is a platform for writers who don’t own a blog. I started curating my thoughts on Medium, writers could also make money from medium too. I couldn’t make money from it because I live in this side of the world. They don’t pay writers from this side of the world. My dear, It’s hard being Nigerian.

This is a stat from my most-read article on Medium. I would have made a couple hundreds of dollars if I could earn money on Medium. I felt Medium was making money off me. I was vexed, I decided to launch a personal blog. A friend like a brother helped me bring that to life, I am grateful to him.

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I Launched this blog In September

The sole aim of creating this blog is was to make money for myself. This is December I’ve not started monetizing my blog. I might monetize it later, maybe in 2021, I guess. Ever since the day started this blog, It has always pushed me to do better. It is my safe haven. 4 months up and running, I’ve had more than 3 thousand visits. Not bad for someone who isn’t popular, as such.

I believe not everyone will like what I write on this blog. I’m just here to do my thing. Everyone can’t like my stuff.

I Gained 12Kg Of Weight

You won’t believe this. I consumed a whole lot of junks during the lockdown, what where you expecting? No long walks and no stress. Just vibes and my “eat, sleep, and chill” routine. It’s bad for me, Isn’t it? Well, I don’t like it too. I’m going to hit the gym next year, or maybe I won’t.

Me at the moment.

I’m Quite Happy Now

Oh well, the good part of the whole fuckery. I got half of what I planned to get in 2020. I’m not too happy, I’m not mediocre. But I’m really grateful for my growth. The pandemic gave me the reset I needed, now I think I’m back on track.

I recently got a new freelance offer via referral. The pay isn’t that bad. At least, It’ll pay some of my bills.

A New Path For Me

2020 has made me see myself in a better way. I compare myself to a Japanese bamboo, a seed that doesn’t grow for a long period but widely develops itself in the soil until it’s time for it to sprout out and it grows really big within a very short period. That’s how I see myself.

No matter how much 2020 fucked me, I still learnt new things. My personal growth this year was constant and I have started developing new skills. I am improving my tech skills. I’ve started learning Web-dev, UI/UX, and I’m starting my first real business next year. I hope by this time next year I’ll be a pro in those fields and my business would really thrive.

This year, I survived. Next year, I’m thriving.

Tomilola, 2020.

I told you there was no moral lesson. It’s just about me.

2020 fucked me!

2020 grabbed me by my neck, choked me, turned me around and slipped its rod of punishment into me and fucked me—Ironically.


Thanks for reading this till the end. Majority of people that visit on my blog do not always come back, only about 5% of people come back to read new blog posts. So kindly subscribe to my newsletter so you’ll know when a new post drops. Subscribe below 👇

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Tomilola Shitta

Tomilola Shitta is a creative writer that loves to portray his life's experiences in every piece. He's also a techpreneur, speaker, and life coach. Tomilola is very passionate about personal development and he's committed to helping young people achieve their dreams.

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