You see, in this generation, relationships and breakups are like bread and butter. You don’t need to lie to yourself, that person you’re dating is not really your life partner, it’s just your turn. If you understand this, you’ll get to realize that a breakup isn’t something you should be crying about like a lost chicken.
I want you, I need you, I miss you, and I love you all have 8 letters. Guess what? So does BULLSHIT!!!
So, let me ask you these questions:
What did you do to get over your last breakup?
- Did you cry like Genevieve in Nollywood movies?
- Did you get jealous after your ex found a new partner?
- Did you drink alcohol like it’s your job?
- Did you talk bad about your ex?
- Did you get into a situationship with someone else?
Omo, if you did any of these you don really fvck up. You’re bigger than that, you’re a spec. Nobody needs to live in your head rent-free after they’ve broken up with you. You don’t need to get jealous at all. Remember our parents used to tell us to always give away our used toys to the less fortunate.
It’s just that you could be the used toy if you were the terrible person in the relationship before it went haywire. You could also be the “less fortunate” too. I’m just saying, it’s a two-way thing though.
My dear, the thing is you don’t need to do all these before you get over a breakup. You need to be an Indaboski when your partner breaks up with you. You need to be a tiger! 👹
You don’t want to ruin your eyeliner while crying over a boy that wasn’t even worth your time. You don’t also want to have continuous breakdowns after she broke up with you because you were in an entanglement with someone else. 😏
So let’s go through these 5 things you need to do when your partner breaks up with you. You need to be very serious when doing these things dear. As I said, you need to be an Indaboski! 🦁
1. Don’t act like you’re shocked
Life comes at you fast. Imagine you received a call from your partner saying “Roses are red, violets are blue, babe its been fun, but I’m leaving you”. At that moment, you’d have so many words to describe pain, humiliation, frustration, vexation, and bitterness. But don’t loose guard, Ma foor!
Even if your partner tells you face-to-face, don’t act surprised at all. Just pack your load like someone leaving for the village and head for the door. Just comport yourself at that moment. Don’t disgrace your family there. Just stop the next Keke Napep and head straight to your Father’s house.
When you get home you can cry, rant, and shekpe as much as you want. Doing this will help you retain your class and level, so you don’t look like a finished product in front of your ex.
I’m I communicating?
2. Delete your chats, snaps, and pictures of your ex
Now that your partner has left your boring life in the mudddd 💀, don’t you think it’s time to delete those memories both you shared which you saved on your phone? I know it was fun while it lasted, but it’s time to let go dear.
You don’t want to start feeling lonely when you check your photos and start seeing memories of your ex. Don’t forget you’re the Indaboski, you’re a tiger! 👹 And as an Indaboski, you cannot be caught feeling weak and fragile.
Remember those CIAO snaps both of you took endlessly? I hope you’re not one of those people that suffered that CIAO filter sha. If you did, you actually deserve 600 years of heartbreak 😅.
Those shoots of “Her view, His view” both of you took on your first date, it’s time to let go. You can’t be feeding on past glory. If you don’t delete your ex’s pictures from your phone, that means you still want your ex back. Know this and know peace.
3. Sub your ex on social media
Yes! sub your ex on social media. Let them have the impression that you’re doing better without them—even if you’re really hurting. Lmao. Now here’s the thing, I’m not saying you should stalk your ex by always commenting them on their post. Try dey use sense sometimes.
What I mean is you should caption your social media post with words like:
- I’m an independent woman. I pay my bills on my own, I ain’t need no man. (After collecting 2k from him every weekend. Shalewa you’re a hoodlum!)
- Never cry because it is over, smile because that a**hole is finally someone else’s problem. (Wahala for who get problem o)
- The best revenge against a woman who steals your man from you is to let her keep him. (Pele o, honourable time keeper)
- No boyfriend, no problems. (Tolani, are you sure you can survive without a boyfriend sha)
With captions like these, your ex will know you’re subbing them and they’ll think you’re doing better without them. And if they’ve blocked you, o ti di gobe o.
4. Flaunt with someone else
This one is very easy. Just ask one of your besties if they’ll like to be a backup partner for some few days till you get a new partner. There’s no need to worry if your tight friendship would get broken too. Most besties just want to chop your work in disguise, they always wait for the right moments like this to take your partner’s place.
You see, having the opposite sex as a bestie is like having a chicken as a pet which you will eat someday. So flaunting with your bestie is not a bad idea. You can also rent boyfriends/girlfriends for a little change.
Some will even give you discounts if you’re very fine and if you agree to have seks with them. If you’re a lady and you love hard guys, please go for agbero boys. They’re your spec.
When you flaunt with someone else, your ex might probably feel Jealous. They’ll start missing all the goody-goody that happened during your relationship. And that’s a proper way to make your ex feel you’re doing better without him/her.
5. Auction for a new partner
After those 4 steps, I think you should’ve gotten over your ex by now. It’s time to find your new LOML. The bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh—apparently, that is if this new relationship you’re planning to have will last more than 2 weeks. Hehe.
You can’t afford to die single with this your boring-ass life. You must have someone that will ride and die with you—an impossible impossicant. 😅
If you’re a lady, I advise you to go for Sugar Daddies. Not those nonsense boys that you’d tell you have mood swings, next thing they’ll ask if you’ve eaten. What rubbish.
If you’re a guy, I advise you to go for someone like Betty. You know say:
Betty no fit leave a nigga (shekpe)
kolo’un l’oko s’ita
Omo temi ko rara
I just pray you don’t get this kind of Betty, cos omo…
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